Pregnancy after miscarriage is not an easy journey. There are so many complex and conflicting emotions involved. It’s so difficult to balance the fear and anxiety of having the same thing happen to us again while also trying to enjoy and feel gratitude for the pregnancy. If you’re struggling with these feelings and are looking for ways to make peace with the past and embrace the hope of this new beginning, this post is for you.
First of all, your feelings are valid. They say that the things we fear the most have already happened to us and that’s actually so true. Most of our phobias, fears and anxieties are due to past experiences. They literally rewire our brains to watch out for danger. It’s part of our evolution of humans, so trying to perceive anxiety as something that’s actually working to protect you can help you feel less dislike for it. Just say to it: Thank you so much for trying to protect me. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But is there a way we can work together to move towards hope, instead?
The tug-of-war between hope & dread
It’s easier said than done, of course. But don’t beat yourself up if you can’t totally beat it. Anxiety can be very strong. Another way of coping with them is to observe them as the thoughts and feelings they are rather than as facts or truths. View yourself as the one experiencing them and take a step back from yourself. When you get an anxious thought, imagine it passing through your mind then flying away. Let it stay if it wants, but identify it as simply a thought or feeling that is temporary and not an ultimate truth of your experience.
It’s a risk to trust our body again. And it’s somehow easier to believe we don’t deserve a happy outcome. This is just forms of self-protection. We feel that in case things go wrong, it’s better to expect the worse so we aren’t AS shattered when it all comes crashing down. But what if it all works out? What if we didn’t get to experience the joy? What if the outcome is the same whether we feel joy or anxiety? Isn’t it better to experience joy?
My personal coping mechanism
I say this, and yet my own personal coping mechanism is actually to barely acknowledge the pregnancy until the 12 week mark. I view it as an extra long “two week wait” where I’m in a type of limbo and “might be” pregnant. However, once I am past this point (where all my past losses happened), I do allow myself to reach for hope. And I use some of the techniques I have mentioned to do that. Another technique I want to share is positive affirmations.
Positive Affirmations
Affirmations can be used as a way to reframe our thoughts. To allow in new ideas and possibilities. To start seeing things from a more positive light and start to try rewire those brain connections towards something more positive and hopeful.
You can write your own affirmations and even write one out and put it up where you can see it every day to say to yourself. Start re-writing your story. This is a new pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different. This story is different. You are worthy of this happiness. Let go of the guilt of feeling joy. Allow joy in. Do not let your past loss define this pregnancy. This baby deserves your joy.
I will share some pregnancy affirmations I have put together at the bottom of this post that you are free to save and use as you wish. They’re also on Pinterest. You can find my account here.
But What If?
But what if it really does go wrong, you might be thinking.
Okay. So what if it does? You’ve been through it before, so you know you can do it. It sucks but you know you are capable of handling it and working through it. It’s not fair and it’s not easy but you are strong and resilient. I actually experienced a total of 3 miscarriages before a healthy pregnancy. It may feel like the end of the world, but miscarriage is common and multiple miscarriage is also a lot more common than people realize. The good thing is that MOST of the time they happen early on. This allows you to work through it and try again. And I know and you know, that you can do it. You are capable and you are strong!
Moving on: Focusing on your new pregnancy & embracing joy & hope
So cope however you need to, but as your pregnancy progresses and things start looking like they are working out- do not be afraid to let go of your self-protective coping mechanisms and embrace the beauty of the new life growing within you.
Here are some pregnancy affirmations to help guide you:
I open my heart to a future where everything turns out beautifully
I welcome the possibility of a happy ending.
I surrender to the flow of life, knowing that good things are meant for me.
I choose hope. Even when it feels uncertain.
I release fear and make space for trust, peace and love.
I deserve to feel joy, my path is filled with light and beautiful possibilities.
My body remembers pain, but it also remembers how to bloom again.
My baby is a gift and I allow myself to cherish that gift without fear.
The universe is not repeating history. It’s writing a new radiant story for me.
I am worthy of this miracle and I welcome it with an open heart.
Like the Earth after a storm, I am a fertile ground for hope and new life.
I am open to the beauty of this new beginning.
Every day, I blossom a little more, unfolding into the mother I am meant to be.
Let me know what affirmations YOU like to use or what ways you cope with pregnancy after loss and find hope in your journey.
Thanks for reading!
