So, your child won’t eat.
Welcome to the picky eater club. It’s a common club to join for toddlers & young kids, and many of them go through at some point. Every kid is different and some may overcome the phase quickly while others continue to struggle long term.
It’s normal, it’s often temporary but for some kids it can be longer last. Especially those who may have sensory issues or be neurodivergent.
So, how do you deal it?
Understanding The Causes of Picky Eating
There can be different causes for why your child is a picky eater.
These include:
Sensory reasons- look for patterns:
- Some children dislike certain textures and prefer others. See if you notice any pattern to the foods your child will and will not eat. They may have a preference for crunchy foods and dislike mushy or slimy foods, for example.
- It could be that certain tastes or smells are overwhelming for your child.
- Your child may dislike the way a food feels when they touch it or the way it feels in their mouths as it dissolves or they chew it.
Motor Skill Challenges
- Difficulty using the utensils or hand movements required to eat the food. They may be unable to successfully use a spoon a spoon and avoid soup or they may be unable to coordinate their hands to eat a larger sandwich without it falling apart.
- They may lack the motor skills in their mouth to be able to adequately chew the food or swallow it.
Negative Past Experiences
- Your child may have felt sick one day that happened to be after eating a certain food, whether that food actually caused the feeling or not- they may develop an aversion. Even if you were not aware it.
- They may have had a stressful experience involving the food in the past- a time where they felt pressured to eat when they didn’t want to, a difficult time swallowing the food and it got caught in their throat, etc. There are so many little incidents that can happen that we might be unaware of- either because they don’t tell us, don’t have the speech to tell us or it happens at daycare or at the grandparent’s house. We might see our child cough after having trouble swallowing and they recover and we move on and don’t realize that it may actually have impacted how the child relates to that food. These can be minor incidents but it can still feel like a bigger deal for a small child.
Loss of Interest in Familiar Foods
- Children often like eating the same foods over and over but too much of it can cause them to suddenly get sick of it. They may decline a once loved food which can confuse caregivers.
- Preferences change, just like for us. It’s a normal part of development.
Tips for Handling Picky Eating
So, now that you understand some of the REASONS for picky eating, how do you handle it?
One thing I will tell you right away is do NOT pressure them to eat something if they don’t want to.
Here is what to do instead:
#1: Offer a mix of new and safe foods at meal time
When you serve them a meal include whatever it is you are having for dinner and if it’s something you know or don’t think they will like, include it anyway BUT also include 1 or 2 of their safe foods that you know that always eat. This allows them to have some things they feel safe to eat, with the option of trying the new food as well.
If they feel safe by having some familiar foods on their plate, they might be more likely to try the other thing on their plate too.
But if they don’t, don’t worry about it. Don’t pressure them to try it. Just let it go.
When you’re deciding what to include on their plate you can keep in mind that they should be offered at least one of each:
- A carbohydrate (bread, potato, crackers)
- A protein (meat, egg, fish, nuts, beans)
- A fruit or vegetable
#2: Respect preferences & explore the sensory aspects of foods
If you do notice that your child has a preference for certain textures, respect that. It’s likely a phase they will eventually out grow so try not to stress too much.
In the meantime, exploring the sensory aspects of foods can help your child understand and grow more comfortable with different textures.
You can do this by:
- Pressure free sensory food time: Sit down with them and offer them different textures of foods. Tell them they don’t have to eat any of it, you are just going to observe it. Take the different foods and verbalize out loud how they feel to the touch- hard, soft, squishy, mushy, slimy. Let your child do the same. Then smell the foods and verbalize how they smell to you. You can lick the foods and see how just that tastes and describe what you taste or how it feels on your tongue. Your child may feel comfortable doing the same or even trying the food. If not, no worries. Try it and explain how it feels in your mouth as you chew it. This activity helps your child understand how they relate to different food textures and tastes. Sometimes we fear what we don’t know and exploring foods in a pressure-free way like this can make them grow more comfortable trying these or other foods in the future.
- Experiment with different ways of food preparation: If your child doesn’t seem to enjoy raw carrots – try steaming them. If they don’t like steamed broccoli, try cooking it with melted cheese on top. If they don’t like scrambled eggs, try a whole boiled egg. Try serving the same food in a different format from usual to see if they might prefer it in another way.
- Family style meal times: When you eat your dinner try family style meals- putting all the food right on the table in different dishes, rather than filling your plate at the stove. Even if your child isn’t eating every dish, they can observe you as you serve it and put it on your plate. They will watch YOU eat it, which makes it more familiar to them. You can mention how it smells or tastes but also don’t be afraid to discuss other topics- you don’t need to only talk about food at meal times as that can also create pressure if it becomes too much.
#3- Support Their Motor Skills
If you think one of the reasons your child is having some eating reluctance might be their motor skills, accommodate this by cutting up food into smaller bites or serve it in ways that make it easier for them to pick up. For example, they may have trouble eating egg with a fork but might be able to pick up a boiled egg with their hand to eat. They may not be able to coordinate their hands and mouth enough to eat a full slice of pizza without all the cheese coming off, but can eat it in bite sized pieces, etc.
Allow them to practice and gain new skills without pressure.
#4- Create positive meal-time experiences
Make sure you keep meals enjoyable- for your child but also for you and your whole family. You can do this by not stressing too much. Even if you aren’t directly pressuring them to eat, they can pick up on your mood, facial expressions or tone of voice when it comes to meal times so be sure to keep it light and fun.
Avoid forcing, pressuring or bribing. It’s tempting to say try a bite of this or that. But whether you say that or not, your child is going to do what they are going to do. It doesn’t often work. You may want to say if you eat all your ____ you can have dessert. Just don’t do it. It’s still pressure and can actually create an aversion if they force themselves to stomach a food they really do not find appealing in that moment.
Keep things relaxed and if they don’t eat much, don’t make a big deal of it. Offer variety, and offer more of what they are eating if you wish.
#5- Keep offering a variety foods
They say it can take up to 25 exposures to a food before a child feels comfortable even trying it or they can try it up to 25 times before they decide they like or dislike it. So just keep offering them foods and let them decide if they want to try it or not. Don’t give up or get discouraged and don’t decide too early they don’t like something. They might just need more time.
#6- Switch things up with safe foods
If you child wants the same thing for breakfast every day, there’s a risk of them suddenly getting sick of it and no longer wanting to eat it. To avoid this, try switching things up between different foods or at least serving it a little differently. My child likes peanut butter toast every day. To make it a little different I could cut it in a different shape, serve it as a sandwich rather than toasted, add jam or banana to it, etc.
#7- Slowly try to branch out from the safe foods
If your child will consistently eat chicken nuggets but will not eat grilled chicken, you can try branch to them eventually liking grilled chicken over time. Serve chicken nuggets with plum sauce. Then serve grilled chicken with a coating/batter on it with plum sauce, then try grilled chicken with plum sauce for example.
If they will eat french fries but not mashed potatoes, you could try french fries with ketchup then homemade french fries with ketchup, then fried potatoes in a round shape with ketchup, then fried potatoes in a round shape with butter or sour cream, then with gravy, then boiled potatoes and these toppings and then eventually try the mashed potatoes with gravy.
This is called food chaining.
#8- Model positive eating habits
Eat a variety of foods in front of your child, show enthusiasm about trying new foods. Avoid negative comments about food.
#9- Encourage choice & independence
Let your child make their own choices. Trust in their ability to know if and when they want to eat something or not. Give them small choices when possible. Allow them to serve themselves if possible. Involve them in the meal preparation when you can.
#10- Stay consistent & trust the process
Keep creating positive and relaxing meal times without pressure and keep offering new foods.
Trust that their appetite and preferences will balance out over time.
Remember that picky eating is usually temporary so don’t stress too much.
Grilled chicken or baked fish is protein but chicken nuggets is also protein. A fed child is best, so try not to stress too much if your child is eating “unhealthy foods”. It’s still protein and your child is still getting nutrients.
And my bonus tip:
If your child didn’t eat much for dinner and you’re worried about the calorie intake or nutrition, offer them up a healthy “dessert”. Give them granola and yogurt or a protein bar, or something that’s healthy or gives them the nutrients they missed out on. As long as it’s a little sweet they will consider it dessert and be happy with it!
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